(you are reading the recent rants of raving ridiculant. welcome to the world of 'Under the Gun', unplanned brainchild of the bombastic blatherer, b2. all content is original, spontaneous, and released for public consumption immediately after creation. there is no editing, no second guessing, and no safety net. this is completely unplanned, unscheduled, and un-called-for. enjoy, but don't be selfish....share your find, spread the word, and release the krakken - b2)
Under the Gun: Episode 9 - Hook it Up.......
Sometimes having a deep respect for something doesn't discount the fact that it completely buggs you out. That's how I secretly feel about U-Med. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big outspoken fan of the crown-jewel of college hospitals. The campus and facilities are world-class, the research and leading edge research they conduct is legendary, and the staff are no less than angels walking the earth. Hell, they brought my dad back from the dead, twice. But the idea of walking through those doors as a patient makes me a complete hot mess of a train wreck.
Yesterday. Well,..yesterday was fantastic. Yesterday was unique. Yesterday I was on fire.
Yesterday is gone, and I am highly concerned that tomorrow may never come.
Yet here I am, in the lobby, almost two hours before my appointment. And it's not just because of the Keurig coffee maker. Not completely. I also had some forms to fill out.
Have you ever had surgery? Yes. Do you have any allergies? Yes. Are you currently on any medications? Yes. Are you experiencing any Pain? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes........ three, four years ago these were all a big fat NO! Am I getting that old? Am I getting that frail? Am I really that neurotic?
"John?"
"John?"
"Oh...yes,..sorry. I don't usually answer to my first name, I mean, I go by my middle name."
"The doctor will see you now".
"Really, already?"
"Well, actually I'm going to move you to the examination room where you will sit alone for a couple of hours without anything to read."
"Oh, okay."
"I'm just kidding, John. I mean Mr. B. Follow me, please."
i'm telling you right now, if she asks you to put on another one of those stupid gowns I'm gonna freak!
Great, the voice is back. Just great. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the five cups of coffee I've poured down my gullet in the last forty-five minutes. I really should have gone ahead and made that shrink appointment.
Thankfully I was not led into another exam room, no not today. Today I have finally received the leather-wrapped, oak-varnished, book-lined, office-consultation that has been denied me for so long during this entire twisted drama that has become my life.
Despite my extreme caffeine buzz and subsequent need to powder my nose the cushy comfort of my doctor's guest chair almost lulled me sleep.
"Mr. B, good morning. I'm Dr. Sladge. Hope you haven't been waiting long."
no you don't. you freaks live for this stuff. now kick it in and tell us what in the wide world of sports is going on here?
"No, not at all."
"I've read your chart and have a few questions. How long have you been experiencing the symptoms?"
really? if this chump has read your chart, why is he asking such a stupid question.
"Ah, about three years now."
"And when did you first seek medical consultation?"
"Three months ago."
"I see........Mr. B. I'm glad you're here today.
well that makes one of us!
"I think you are a very lucky man."
whoo-hoo, you're lucky! this guy is rich.
"U-Med happens to have the world's leading polycthemic research program and.."
"Excuse me. Poly-O-what-ic?
"Oh, sorry. Polyethemic, as in polycthemia vera. We have reason to believe Mr. B that you are suffering from an extremely rare case of thin blood."
"Thin blood? You mean like Hemophilia?"
"Well, we don't think that you have any issues with co-agulation. Or high blood pressure for that matter."
"That's good, I think. So what IS the problem?"
"Well, Mr. B. We think that your blood is traveling twice as fast as a health.....as an average person your size and...."
"And..?"
"And while in the short term you could actually experience heightened endurance, increased strength, and an abnormal ability to comprehend, to learn quickly..."
"Why is this a problem?"
..and in the LONG term you could suffer from advanced fatigue syndrome, dehydration, strokes, or even heart attack."
nice! you should qualify for some really good drugs now!
"Just shut up!"
"Excuse me?"
"Sorry, not you Dr. Sledge."
"Hey, Jim mentioned that he put in a call to Charles, I mean Dr. Foley. Have you spoken to him yet."
"No, but I think I might need to. Doc, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, John. Please do."
"Do you have any pets?"
oh boy, here we go!!!
(you have just experienced a taste of b2's world via the lens that is the serial anthology known as "Under the Gun". be sure to cleanse the pallet with some parsley prior to moving on with your day. - b2)
Under the Gun: Episode 9 - Hook it Up.......
Sometimes having a deep respect for something doesn't discount the fact that it completely buggs you out. That's how I secretly feel about U-Med. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big outspoken fan of the crown-jewel of college hospitals. The campus and facilities are world-class, the research and leading edge research they conduct is legendary, and the staff are no less than angels walking the earth. Hell, they brought my dad back from the dead, twice. But the idea of walking through those doors as a patient makes me a complete hot mess of a train wreck.
Yesterday. Well,..yesterday was fantastic. Yesterday was unique. Yesterday I was on fire.
Yesterday is gone, and I am highly concerned that tomorrow may never come.
Yet here I am, in the lobby, almost two hours before my appointment. And it's not just because of the Keurig coffee maker. Not completely. I also had some forms to fill out.
Have you ever had surgery? Yes. Do you have any allergies? Yes. Are you currently on any medications? Yes. Are you experiencing any Pain? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes........ three, four years ago these were all a big fat NO! Am I getting that old? Am I getting that frail? Am I really that neurotic?
"John?"
"John?"
"Oh...yes,..sorry. I don't usually answer to my first name, I mean, I go by my middle name."
"The doctor will see you now".
"Really, already?"
"Well, actually I'm going to move you to the examination room where you will sit alone for a couple of hours without anything to read."
"Oh, okay."
"I'm just kidding, John. I mean Mr. B. Follow me, please."
i'm telling you right now, if she asks you to put on another one of those stupid gowns I'm gonna freak!
Great, the voice is back. Just great. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the five cups of coffee I've poured down my gullet in the last forty-five minutes. I really should have gone ahead and made that shrink appointment.
Thankfully I was not led into another exam room, no not today. Today I have finally received the leather-wrapped, oak-varnished, book-lined, office-consultation that has been denied me for so long during this entire twisted drama that has become my life.
Despite my extreme caffeine buzz and subsequent need to powder my nose the cushy comfort of my doctor's guest chair almost lulled me sleep.
"Mr. B, good morning. I'm Dr. Sladge. Hope you haven't been waiting long."
no you don't. you freaks live for this stuff. now kick it in and tell us what in the wide world of sports is going on here?
"No, not at all."
"I've read your chart and have a few questions. How long have you been experiencing the symptoms?"
really? if this chump has read your chart, why is he asking such a stupid question.
"Ah, about three years now."
"And when did you first seek medical consultation?"
"Three months ago."
"I see........Mr. B. I'm glad you're here today.
well that makes one of us!
"I think you are a very lucky man."
whoo-hoo, you're lucky! this guy is rich.
"U-Med happens to have the world's leading polycthemic research program and.."
"Excuse me. Poly-O-what-ic?
"Oh, sorry. Polyethemic, as in polycthemia vera. We have reason to believe Mr. B that you are suffering from an extremely rare case of thin blood."
"Thin blood? You mean like Hemophilia?"
"Well, we don't think that you have any issues with co-agulation. Or high blood pressure for that matter."
"That's good, I think. So what IS the problem?"
"Well, Mr. B. We think that your blood is traveling twice as fast as a health.....as an average person your size and...."
"And..?"
"And while in the short term you could actually experience heightened endurance, increased strength, and an abnormal ability to comprehend, to learn quickly..."
"Why is this a problem?"
..and in the LONG term you could suffer from advanced fatigue syndrome, dehydration, strokes, or even heart attack."
nice! you should qualify for some really good drugs now!
"Just shut up!"
"Excuse me?"
"Sorry, not you Dr. Sledge."
"Hey, Jim mentioned that he put in a call to Charles, I mean Dr. Foley. Have you spoken to him yet."
"No, but I think I might need to. Doc, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, John. Please do."
"Do you have any pets?"
oh boy, here we go!!!
(you have just experienced a taste of b2's world via the lens that is the serial anthology known as "Under the Gun". be sure to cleanse the pallet with some parsley prior to moving on with your day. - b2)
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