Thursday, August 30, 2012

Under the Gun - IV: Hard Pressed

b2 Publishing: UTG IV: Hard Pressed:

UTG IV: Hard Pressed

Luck has never been my lady when it comes to doctor visits. The most vivid memory I have of early childhood is a visit to an ENT.

It had no allergies at the time. I was not plagued with ear infections, or even the sniffles. I simply needed a nut removed from deep inside my nasal cavity.

1/4 - 20 fine thread I think it was. My friend Chuck and I were taking turns shoving pieces of hardware from our metal cots up our nose to see who could go the farthest.

I won.

Pre-school was such a blast (when I wasn't having medical extracations done, anyway). Chuck and I had a routine down. As soon as our Mom's dropped us off we would take our wooden name blocks straight to the apple room. That is where the turn table was.

Ah yes, forty-five heaven. 'Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head' over and over again. I don't care what you say, B.J. Thomas was THA' MAN!

Then, after nap/nose shoving we would head straight for the sandbox. The fact that I did not end up a structural engineer is absolutely amazing when you account for the tunnels that we dug for our metal Tonka trucks. But that's not why I went to the sandbox. I was there for Tiffany.

You see, I never went through an 'ooh, girls are gross' - pull pig tails - throw rocks at Suzy - phase. (Remember this: everything for me is a race. Everything.) I dug chicks from the get-go.

And Tiffany was the sweetest babe on this side of the jungle gym.

There, among the monuments to sand creativity, I had my first kiss. At 4 years old.

Lucky for me, my second kiss was year's later. Apparently an early start does not necessarily equate to steady momentum. I didn't realize this back in pre-school. I learned this lesson much later in life.

As a matter of fact, it was about the time I first started noticing the symptoms.............


(the preceding is an original work by b2. stay tuned for further episodes in the serial anthology that is 'Under the Gun'.)

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